Tragedy

I confess – I am a boomer so this song has been in my consciousness for decades. I have told myself to write a blog about this song but have put it off – maybe because the last three years or so have been a tragedy and it hit too close to home? Yesterday I heard the song again and it prompted me to wonder why the word – or the melody- or the song speak to me.

I have a few memories in my life that I feel this word fits. The loss of a love, a deep love that you thought would go on forever and it ends, “with no one to love you you’re going nowhere”.

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer – twice – “When the morning cries and you don’t know why?”

I have been there, but came back from there. How did I do it? I really don’t know but something inside pushed through the tragedy and I became an overcomer.

This song is not a sad song at all. The way the song keeps repeating that word – tragedy – tragedy – tragedy. The melody, the rhythm, the voices and the instruments all come together to remind the listener of something in their life that was a tragedy. At the same time this song is hopeful – its upbeat – to me it musically is pushing forward and gives me a feeling of overcoming tragedy.

Yes, that’s it, its not a sad song it is and overcomer song – put all this tragedy behind, get your soul back, wake up one morning NOT crying and feel in control again.

Maybe the tragedy is not the event that prompted those feelings but the inability to overcome those feelings and remain in the state of tragedy.

Verse 1]
Here I lie in a lost and lonely part of town
Held in time
 in a world of tears, I slowly drown
Goin’ home, I just can’t make it all alone
I really should be holding you, holding you
Loving you, loving you

[Chorus]
Tragedy
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, It’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one to love you, you’re goin’ nowhere
Tragedy
When you lose control and you got no soul, it’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one beside you, you’re goin’ nowhere

[Instrumental Interlude]

[Verse 2]
Night and day, there’s a burning down inside of me, aaah
Burning love with a yearning that won’t let me be
Down I go, and I just can’t take it all alone
I really should be holding you, holding you
Loving you, loving you

[Chorus]
Tragedy
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, It’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one to love you, you’re goin’ nowhere
(Aaah) Tragedy
When you lose control and you got no soul, it’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one beside you, you’re goin’ nowhere
Aaahhhh

[Instrumental Interlude]

[Chorus / Outro]
Tragedy
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, It’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one to love you, you’re goin’ nowhere
(Aaah) Tragedy
When you lose control and you got no soul, it’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one beside you, you’re goin’ nowhere
Aaahhhh, tragedy
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, It’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one to love you, you’re goin’ nowhere
(Aaah) Aaah, tragedy
When you lose control and you got no soul, it’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one beside you, you’re goin’ nowhere
Aaahhhh, tragedy
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, It’s tragedy
When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear
With no one to love you, you’re goin’ nowhere
Aaah, tragedy

The Prayer

I fall in love with this song every time I hear it!  It is so beautiful and touched my heart as I look around and see the struggles in our world.

The world is not a very happy or calm place right now.  The entire world is dealing with a pandemic.  Right here in our own country there is arguing instead of compromise, fighting instead of handshakes or hugs.   Families are struggling to find places to live and put food on their tables.  Our children are being tossed about in a school situation that is awful (from personal experience – I was a teacher for 36 years).   There is the feeling of being afraid of the future and being out of control.  We have children shooting other children, parents abusing and abandoning their children, and discrimination aimed at anyone who is different that “us”.  How did we get here? 

There really is only one answer – and this of course is my personal belief – and that is FAITH.  I have to believe that there is a God who sent His Son to help us through all of the horrible things that will happen in our lifetimes.  No one is immune from struggle, but I believe there is a loving God who really is in control.  If I can find that place of peace in my own heart, and trust that all is well I can make it through anything. 

I have had my own personal struggles, from personal relationships that failed to overcoming cancer twice!  I have always had a positive attitude and I do believe that came from my Mom whose motto was “Everything Changes”.  The bad times will happen but they will go away and faith is what sustains me during the rough times.

I wish you that faith in tomorrow, that things will be better.  This song is my prayer for all of my family and friends.

I have shared two versions of this song – enjoy!!!

I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise in times when we don’t know

I pray we ‘Il find your light, and hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are
Let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our day
Help us find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

A world where pain and sorrow will be ended
And every heart that’s broken will be mended
And we’ll remember we are all God’s children
Reaching out to touch you
Reaching to the sky

We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child

Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
Need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

Advent 2021

Well, in just a few months it will be a full two years since the pandemic began.   I must confess that with the pandemic and moving to Texas, I have not yet found a new church home.  So, today on this first day of Advent 2021 I will practice “Forgiveness” on myself.   Not attending a brick-and-mortar building does not mean I have moved away from my faith, on the contrary I still remain faithful in my beliefs but I do not yet have a faith community to share that with.

I have decided to use this Advent season to return to daily reflection and prayer.  In my life music is very important for me so I will blog each day a seasonal song to share with you.

Today, the first Sunday of advent I have chosen the hymn “O Come, O come Emmanuel”.  The term advent in Latin means “coming or arrival”.  How appropriate those words are as we have spent almost the last two years waiting on an end to this pandemic and if you are like me feeling not at all in control of what is happening in the world.   

Advent is a time of waiting and a time of preparation for the celebration of the birth of Christ. Before the birth of Jesus, the Israelites were waiting for a Savior to arrive!  The arrival of this Savior was a child and that was not what they were expecting.  The Son of God became a man like you and me.  God did not have to do this – but He did.  Those words strike a chord for me – He did not have to do it but He did! He did it for us so He could also become the sacrifice for our sins.

It took me listening to quite a few versions of this song to decide which one I would share.  I wanted the pure sound of the lonely melody and the feeling of mourning and longing as we wait for the coming of a Savior to rescue us from all the ills of the world.  Maybe this Advent we can remember that God saw our situation and sent the Christ Child.  What we can learn from His birth and life is to wait patiently and know that God is in charge.

We need Inspiration!

Chaos in our nation!

America is a country born from protests.  Remember the Boston Tea Party?  Perfectly good tea sunk in the ocean to get our point across.  We have been given the right to free speech and to protest to get our point across.  We cannot stop the outcry that is all over our nation right this minute.

If I were 30 years younger I probably would be out there marching peacefully (but my feet hurt and I probably would break a hip if I fell).  I was only 10 in 1968 – but I do remember the riots and I look now and wonder how did we get here today?

Those that look only at the looting and violence “do not get it”.  People are frustrated and are not being heard.  Peaceful protest was tried by taking a knee during the national anthem – but those people were ridiculed and not listened to.  So here we are – is anyone listening now?  Warning personal opinion coming – There has been a spark of hate ignited in this country and I believe it is fueled by our nation’s leader and his twitter account, his speeches and the lack of trust he inspires in many of us.

That is not the kind of inspiration we need right now.

We need someone like JFK who can inspire us with his speeches.

We need someone like MLK Jr. who can point to injustice and address it peacefully.

We need someone like Abraham who knew that slavery was dividing our country and fought to protect the whole Union with freedom for all.

That is why this song inspires me to look beyond these turbulent times and hope for the future that someone, anyone will stand up and INSPIRE this nation!

Abraham, Martin and John

Kyrie Eleison – Lord Have Mercy

 

Do we need this now!  I grew up reciting these words in church not paying too much attention to what they meant.  The song was popular in the 80’s but I didn’t think about the religious implications then, but I sure do now.  I heard this song on the radio yesterday and I thought “how timeless those words are”.

I am a Christian and I hold dear to my faith but I try not to close myself off from the world.  There are gems like this out there that speak to me and others about life.

Not too much else to say about this song, so listen, enjoy and “Kyrie Eleison” on your journey through this day!

 

Kyrie eleison definition, the brief petition “Lord, have mercy,” used in various offices of the Greek Orthodox Church and of the Roman Catholic Church.

The wind blows hard against this mountain side
Across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide
Setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old it holds my memories
My body burns a gem-like flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine
Is where I find myself again

*CHORUS*
Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I’m going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the night

When I was young I thought of growing old
Of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road
Or only wished what I could be

Learning How to Say Goodbye from My Mother

Learning How to Say Goodbye from my Mother

 

May has ended up being a tough month for me since my Mom passed.  My Mother’s birthday is May 5th and it is followed closely by Mother’s Day.  It has been over 20 years since I last held her hand but it seems like yesterday and the sting of sadness stays forever.

I was a new Mom, Richard was only 3 ½ years old, My Mom, Mary Antoinette Fonte Brogna, was 78.  She had ongoing health problems and had just started dialysis but it proved too much for her.  We were all with Mom when she died, Dad, Anne and Pat, Carla and myself.  It was 1:27 am and I saw the last pump of her blood thru her neck, she went peacefully. We all hugged in her hospital room and I remember my Dad crying and his tears were so big they splashed on the floor and got my toes wet.  I knew that the love they had was rare and I wanted that kind of love in my life and the life of my son.

Mom wanted to be a nurse and planned to move to Buffalo to go to nursing school but Dad proposed to her so they got married.  I didn’t come along in their marriage until they had worked out all the kinks so things were pretty peaceful.  Mom went thru a depression and I saw her bring herself out of it thru her own will – that was a lesson!  She also was a kid at heart, we both got our drives license’ at the same time, I was 16 and she was 56!  She showed me happiness and sadness and the advice I can still hear her give me was “Remember, everything changes”.  I give her credit for allowing me to go off to Arizona for school but the miles never kept our hearts apart.  I was closer to my Mom across the country then some of my friends who had their Mom’s across town.

My greatest fear was losing my Mom – and yet her greatest lesson to me was in her death.    This song always helps me remember the lessons she taught me, how to be strong, stand up for myself and know how to say goodbye and still survive.

I love you Mom!  Happy Birthday! Happy Mothers Day!

Through the back window of our ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on wavin’ till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears I asked again, “Why we couldn’t stay”

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

I sat on our bed he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling we both were cryin’
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away

I called up mama and she said
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Sittin’ with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes and then squeezed my hand
She said, “I have to go now my time here is over”
And with her final words, she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

 

Teach Your Children Well

This is a time of such fear and uncertainty.  It is not easy to keep the fear from rising up and overtaking all of our daily thoughts.

I would like to view this time as a time of inter-generational bonding.

I hope this time brings good change.

Some people want to go back to the way we were, but no, that is not what we will do – we will be forced to create a new normal.

Remember 9/11?  Before 9/11 there was only a few ways to get the news – the morning paper, the 6:00 or 11:00 pm news broadcast, the radio on the hour.  My perception is that only after that event on 9/11 did we begin to broadcast 24 hour news programs.  Those programs went over and over the same news all day long.  Some people tune in, get the headlines and tune out back to daily life but for some their daily life is watching the news all day long.

What will be our new normal after this pandemic?  Your guess is as good as mine.  I know some things I hope it is.

I hope this time we spend with our families keeps happening.  Our families are spending more time with each other, talking, listening, reading, playing, laughing.  That is one priceless gift during this time.

I hope the connection between generations keeps happening.  I hear of grandparents helping with childcare instead of a stranger in daycare.  I hear of Grandparents talking and spending time with parents who are talking and spending time with children and learning about each other.

I hope new respect is gained for some of our neighbors and the jobs they do.  The nurses and doctors, the teachers, the truck drivers, the store employees. We all contribute to society but lately it seems we honor those with money more than the hard worker.

I hope the older generation will teach the younger generation the value of these professions.

I hope the younger generation teaches the older generation the value of these professions.

I hope we all learn that we must work together as a society to solve problems.

I hope we all learn that words spoken to divide different groups are destructive.

I hope the older generation teaches the younger generation the value of our history, that we have come together in the past to solve problems. Sometimes it was hard but it was worth it.

I hope the younger generation teaches the older generation that we are all different and just because I don’t look like you or think like you we can still work together to solve problems and make our society stronger.

 

 

You, who are on the road
Must have a code
That you can live by
And so
Become yourself
Because the past
Is just a good-bye

[Chorus]
Teach your children well
Your father’s hell did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked
The one you’ll know by

Don’t you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

And you of tender years
Can’t know the fears
That your elders grew by
And so please help
Them with your youth
They seek the truth
Before they can die

[Chorus]
Teach your parents well
The children’s hell
Will slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked
The one you’ll know by

Don’t you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

Celebrate! I’m Retired

Celebrate!!!!

 

“I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day”

(well I am a band director!)

My first day or retirement

 

Well, actually last Monday was my first day of retirement but I was sick and so I spent most of the week in bed and on the couch.   Monday morning I woke up coughing and choking and couldn’t catch my breath and my husbands’ first words were “you need to go to the doctor” and his second thought was “wait, you need to call your boss and ask permission to be sick and sign into Aesop to get a sub and did you leave lesson plans?”   Of course, the second thought was humor but I was so busy coughing I didn’t laugh.  Yes, I did go to the doctor and she loaded me up on steroids and antibiotics.

 

And, so I really count today as my first day of retirement (without being sick).  It feels strange, I do not have the check the clock,  I do not have to account to someone else of my where abouts or call in to school to get a sub or make lesson plans.  But what does it really feel like?

 

YIPPEE!!!!!

 

Why did I retire? It was time.  I have spent 36 years in the classroom teaching as best I could, reviewing my teaching to get better, doing self assessments to get better then then reviewing my plans again to get better – because there is no perfection in teaching.  These days teachers are evaluated on a 40 minute snap shot of their teaching in the classroom and let’s face it no one can do it all in 40 minutes so the elusive reward of a great evaluation is always out there – and the famous words are “keep trying you are not “accomplished yet”.

 

My subject area is one I deeply love and I could not have lasted in education as long as I did without teaching something that I love.  I have taught in many different settings, from elementary school general music and band to high school band with the bulk of my years in the middle school band setting – which actually has been my favorite.  I also did some teaching at the college level as a private flute instructor and general music instructor to non-music majors.

It has been very rewarding – but it is time.

 

I keep saying that – it is time – time for what?

 

That is the question I will begin to explore and answer.  What do I do next?

 

Do I just relax? Do I find another job?  Do I fill my time with activities and volunteering?  The list is endless and it seems overwhelming to me at times.  I will spend the next few months trying to find out what it is “time” for.  I wish my days to make me feel fulfilled and happy in what I choose to do every day.

 

So today I Celebrate!!!!!

 

 

(This is your celebration)
(This is your celebration)
Celebrate good times, come on (Let’s celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on (Let’s celebrate)

[Verse 1]
There’s a party goin’ on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now

[Hook]
(Celebration) Let’s all celebrate and have a good time
(Celebration) We gon’ celebrate and have a good time

[Bridge 1]
It’s time to come together
It’s up to you, what’s your pleasure?
(Everyone around the world come on)

[Pre-Hook]
(Yahoo) It’s a celebration
(Yahoo)

I don’t want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day

Is there a Perfect Christmas?

Merry Christmas!

 

It is December 23rd and I have been out and about today.  Aerobics class was fun we exercised to Christmas music.  As I ran a few errands after the gym I got the feeling that everyone was stressed out.  The drivers were aggressive and speeding to get to their destination, the checkout people were not as friendly as usual, the people shopping were not as polite as usual and I wondered why today was so different from the last few weeks where people were smiling and saying Happy Holidays.  I came home after completing my errands, glad to be home out of the traffic and ready to relax for the holiday but thoughts about the lyrics of this some came to my head.

On this night of hope and salvation
One child lies embraced in a dream
Where each man regardless of station
On this night can now be redeemed

Where every man regardless of his nation
Ancestral relations
On this night the past can fly away

And that dream we’ve dreamed most
That every child is held close
On this night that dream won’t be betrayed

All as one
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All as one on this Christmas day

All rejoice
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All rejoice, Anno Domine

On this night when no child’s forgotten
No dream sleeps where he cannot see
No man here is misbegotten
And this night’s dreams are still yet to be

Where every man regardless of his nation
Ancestral relations
On this night the past can fly away

And that dream we’ve dreamed most
That every child is held close
On this night that dream won’t be betrayed

All as one
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All as one on this Christmas day

All rejoice
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All rejoice, Anno Domine

 

This song stresses to me how the Holiday is about the Savior who cams as man to save us from the imperfect life we live now.

Getting closer to the holiday I believe puts stress on those who are wishing for the “perfect” holiday.  Well, if there is one thing I have learned in this life so far is that “perfect” holiday does not exist.  The decorations do not matter, the food does not matter, the gifts do not matter – the perfection in Christmas comes from within – from the absolute KNOWING without a doubt Jesus Christ was born and became man for me – He is the Savior of the World.  That is my perfection and how I choose to live as a Blessed Child of God.

I love the song I have shared with you – the melody, the voices but mostly the words.  As a public school teacher I have encountered far too many children who will not have a Merry Christmas. On this night of Hope and Salvation…. the dream of every child is to be held close – there will be children out there who are not held close, they are ignored or even hurt by the hands of their own parents.  That is what this song means to me that one day – one day when Jesus comes back each and every child will finally be held close and taken care of.  Jesus came on Christmas to redeem each and every one of us. That dream we have dreamed most every child is held close that dream won’t be betrayed.

My heart breaks as I remember just a few of the children I have had in my classroom these past 36 years.  One child who had finger marks on his wrist and arm from being held too closely by a father.  One child who had a bruise and scratches on her cheek., When I asked her, she told me “Mom did it” I wanted to cry.  Even closer to home a, 3 year old child left alone in an apartment for 2 days because Mom is involved in the drug world.  This Christmas will not be perfect – nothing will ever be perfect – until………..

Black and White

Black and White

Confession, I recently purchased a new car with all the bells and whistles and it came with SiriumXM and I have been glued to the 70’s on 7 channel!  I guess it brings me back to a time in my life that was fun and carefree.

Yesterday I heard this song by Three Dog Night “Black and White”.  I have heard and sang along with this song so many times over the years, but I never really knew what it was about.  You can read the specifics on Wikipedia but it was written in the 1950’s and referenced the Supreme Court Decision Brown vs. the Board of Education.  If you are not familiar with this landmark case look it up, also look up information about the Central High School Crisis in Little Rock.  All of it fascinating, some of it disgraceful but part of our history and every American should know about it.

I spent many years teaching in Little Rock and felt the remnants of the 1950’s crisis even 40 years later.  And as I write this, America is again struggling with the topic of racism and I wonder when will we learn from our past?

In one way we are only 4 generations away from this landmark case, but in another way shouldn’t we be light years away from the archaic thinking about race? I will choose to not make this blog about racism but I will urge you to listen to the song, and take a look around as you shop, work and live in your community.   We have come a long way, but we have a LONG way to go.

“Black & White”
The ink is black, the page is white
Together we learn to read and write
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
A beautiful sight

And now a child can understand
That this is the law of all the land
All the land

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

And now, at last, we plainly see
We’ll have a dance of liberty
Liberty

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
A beautiful sight

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
A beautiful sight

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

C’mon
Get it
Get it
Ohh-ohhhh yeah
Yeah
Keep it up now, around the world
Little boys and little girls
Yeah
Yeah-eah, oh-ohhh

 

The song was inspired by the United States Supreme Court decision of Brown v. Board of Education (1954), which outlawed racial segregation of public schools.

The original lyrics of the song opened with this verse, in reference to the court:

Their robes were black, their heads were white,
The schoolhouse doors were closed so tight,
Nine judges all set down their names,
To end the years and years of shame.

However, the version of the song recorded by Greyhound, and subsequently covered by Three Dog Night, did not include this verse – making the song more universal, but also less historically specific.