Tag: life

Learning How to Say Goodbye from My Mother

Learning How to Say Goodbye from my Mother

 

May has ended up being a tough month for me since my Mom passed.  My Mother’s birthday is May 5th and it is followed closely by Mother’s Day.  It has been over 20 years since I last held her hand but it seems like yesterday and the sting of sadness stays forever.

I was a new Mom, Richard was only 3 ½ years old, My Mom, Mary Antoinette Fonte Brogna, was 78.  She had ongoing health problems and had just started dialysis but it proved too much for her.  We were all with Mom when she died, Dad, Anne and Pat, Carla and myself.  It was 1:27 am and I saw the last pump of her blood thru her neck, she went peacefully. We all hugged in her hospital room and I remember my Dad crying and his tears were so big they splashed on the floor and got my toes wet.  I knew that the love they had was rare and I wanted that kind of love in my life and the life of my son.

Mom wanted to be a nurse and planned to move to Buffalo to go to nursing school but Dad proposed to her so they got married.  I didn’t come along in their marriage until they had worked out all the kinks so things were pretty peaceful.  Mom went thru a depression and I saw her bring herself out of it thru her own will – that was a lesson!  She also was a kid at heart, we both got our drives license’ at the same time, I was 16 and she was 56!  She showed me happiness and sadness and the advice I can still hear her give me was “Remember, everything changes”.  I give her credit for allowing me to go off to Arizona for school but the miles never kept our hearts apart.  I was closer to my Mom across the country then some of my friends who had their Mom’s across town.

My greatest fear was losing my Mom – and yet her greatest lesson to me was in her death.    This song always helps me remember the lessons she taught me, how to be strong, stand up for myself and know how to say goodbye and still survive.

I love you Mom!  Happy Birthday! Happy Mothers Day!

Through the back window of our ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on wavin’ till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears I asked again, “Why we couldn’t stay”

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

I sat on our bed he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling we both were cryin’
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away

I called up mama and she said
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Sittin’ with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes and then squeezed my hand
She said, “I have to go now my time here is over”
And with her final words, she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

 

Teach Your Children Well

This is a time of such fear and uncertainty.  It is not easy to keep the fear from rising up and overtaking all of our daily thoughts.

I would like to view this time as a time of inter-generational bonding.

I hope this time brings good change.

Some people want to go back to the way we were, but no, that is not what we will do – we will be forced to create a new normal.

Remember 9/11?  Before 9/11 there was only a few ways to get the news – the morning paper, the 6:00 or 11:00 pm news broadcast, the radio on the hour.  My perception is that only after that event on 9/11 did we begin to broadcast 24 hour news programs.  Those programs went over and over the same news all day long.  Some people tune in, get the headlines and tune out back to daily life but for some their daily life is watching the news all day long.

What will be our new normal after this pandemic?  Your guess is as good as mine.  I know some things I hope it is.

I hope this time we spend with our families keeps happening.  Our families are spending more time with each other, talking, listening, reading, playing, laughing.  That is one priceless gift during this time.

I hope the connection between generations keeps happening.  I hear of grandparents helping with childcare instead of a stranger in daycare.  I hear of Grandparents talking and spending time with parents who are talking and spending time with children and learning about each other.

I hope new respect is gained for some of our neighbors and the jobs they do.  The nurses and doctors, the teachers, the truck drivers, the store employees. We all contribute to society but lately it seems we honor those with money more than the hard worker.

I hope the older generation will teach the younger generation the value of these professions.

I hope the younger generation teaches the older generation the value of these professions.

I hope we all learn that we must work together as a society to solve problems.

I hope we all learn that words spoken to divide different groups are destructive.

I hope the older generation teaches the younger generation the value of our history, that we have come together in the past to solve problems. Sometimes it was hard but it was worth it.

I hope the younger generation teaches the older generation that we are all different and just because I don’t look like you or think like you we can still work together to solve problems and make our society stronger.

 

 

You, who are on the road
Must have a code
That you can live by
And so
Become yourself
Because the past
Is just a good-bye

[Chorus]
Teach your children well
Your father’s hell did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked
The one you’ll know by

Don’t you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

And you of tender years
Can’t know the fears
That your elders grew by
And so please help
Them with your youth
They seek the truth
Before they can die

[Chorus]
Teach your parents well
The children’s hell
Will slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked
The one you’ll know by

Don’t you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

Celebrate! I’m Retired

Celebrate!!!!

 

“I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day”

(well I am a band director!)

My first day or retirement

 

Well, actually last Monday was my first day of retirement but I was sick and so I spent most of the week in bed and on the couch.   Monday morning I woke up coughing and choking and couldn’t catch my breath and my husbands’ first words were “you need to go to the doctor” and his second thought was “wait, you need to call your boss and ask permission to be sick and sign into Aesop to get a sub and did you leave lesson plans?”   Of course, the second thought was humor but I was so busy coughing I didn’t laugh.  Yes, I did go to the doctor and she loaded me up on steroids and antibiotics.

 

And, so I really count today as my first day of retirement (without being sick).  It feels strange, I do not have the check the clock,  I do not have to account to someone else of my where abouts or call in to school to get a sub or make lesson plans.  But what does it really feel like?

 

YIPPEE!!!!!

 

Why did I retire? It was time.  I have spent 36 years in the classroom teaching as best I could, reviewing my teaching to get better, doing self assessments to get better then then reviewing my plans again to get better – because there is no perfection in teaching.  These days teachers are evaluated on a 40 minute snap shot of their teaching in the classroom and let’s face it no one can do it all in 40 minutes so the elusive reward of a great evaluation is always out there – and the famous words are “keep trying you are not “accomplished yet”.

 

My subject area is one I deeply love and I could not have lasted in education as long as I did without teaching something that I love.  I have taught in many different settings, from elementary school general music and band to high school band with the bulk of my years in the middle school band setting – which actually has been my favorite.  I also did some teaching at the college level as a private flute instructor and general music instructor to non-music majors.

It has been very rewarding – but it is time.

 

I keep saying that – it is time – time for what?

 

That is the question I will begin to explore and answer.  What do I do next?

 

Do I just relax? Do I find another job?  Do I fill my time with activities and volunteering?  The list is endless and it seems overwhelming to me at times.  I will spend the next few months trying to find out what it is “time” for.  I wish my days to make me feel fulfilled and happy in what I choose to do every day.

 

So today I Celebrate!!!!!

 

 

(This is your celebration)
(This is your celebration)
Celebrate good times, come on (Let’s celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on (Let’s celebrate)

[Verse 1]
There’s a party goin’ on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now

[Hook]
(Celebration) Let’s all celebrate and have a good time
(Celebration) We gon’ celebrate and have a good time

[Bridge 1]
It’s time to come together
It’s up to you, what’s your pleasure?
(Everyone around the world come on)

[Pre-Hook]
(Yahoo) It’s a celebration
(Yahoo)

I don’t want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day

Is there a Perfect Christmas?

Merry Christmas!

 

It is December 23rd and I have been out and about today.  Aerobics class was fun we exercised to Christmas music.  As I ran a few errands after the gym I got the feeling that everyone was stressed out.  The drivers were aggressive and speeding to get to their destination, the checkout people were not as friendly as usual, the people shopping were not as polite as usual and I wondered why today was so different from the last few weeks where people were smiling and saying Happy Holidays.  I came home after completing my errands, glad to be home out of the traffic and ready to relax for the holiday but thoughts about the lyrics of this some came to my head.

On this night of hope and salvation
One child lies embraced in a dream
Where each man regardless of station
On this night can now be redeemed

Where every man regardless of his nation
Ancestral relations
On this night the past can fly away

And that dream we’ve dreamed most
That every child is held close
On this night that dream won’t be betrayed

All as one
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All as one on this Christmas day

All rejoice
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All rejoice, Anno Domine

On this night when no child’s forgotten
No dream sleeps where he cannot see
No man here is misbegotten
And this night’s dreams are still yet to be

Where every man regardless of his nation
Ancestral relations
On this night the past can fly away

And that dream we’ve dreamed most
That every child is held close
On this night that dream won’t be betrayed

All as one
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All as one on this Christmas day

All rejoice
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All rejoice, Anno Domine

 

This song stresses to me how the Holiday is about the Savior who cams as man to save us from the imperfect life we live now.

Getting closer to the holiday I believe puts stress on those who are wishing for the “perfect” holiday.  Well, if there is one thing I have learned in this life so far is that “perfect” holiday does not exist.  The decorations do not matter, the food does not matter, the gifts do not matter – the perfection in Christmas comes from within – from the absolute KNOWING without a doubt Jesus Christ was born and became man for me – He is the Savior of the World.  That is my perfection and how I choose to live as a Blessed Child of God.

I love the song I have shared with you – the melody, the voices but mostly the words.  As a public school teacher I have encountered far too many children who will not have a Merry Christmas. On this night of Hope and Salvation…. the dream of every child is to be held close – there will be children out there who are not held close, they are ignored or even hurt by the hands of their own parents.  That is what this song means to me that one day – one day when Jesus comes back each and every child will finally be held close and taken care of.  Jesus came on Christmas to redeem each and every one of us. That dream we have dreamed most every child is held close that dream won’t be betrayed.

My heart breaks as I remember just a few of the children I have had in my classroom these past 36 years.  One child who had finger marks on his wrist and arm from being held too closely by a father.  One child who had a bruise and scratches on her cheek., When I asked her, she told me “Mom did it” I wanted to cry.  Even closer to home a, 3 year old child left alone in an apartment for 2 days because Mom is involved in the drug world.  This Christmas will not be perfect – nothing will ever be perfect – until………..

Black and White

Black and White

Confession, I recently purchased a new car with all the bells and whistles and it came with SiriumXM and I have been glued to the 70’s on 7 channel!  I guess it brings me back to a time in my life that was fun and carefree.

Yesterday I heard this song by Three Dog Night “Black and White”.  I have heard and sang along with this song so many times over the years, but I never really knew what it was about.  You can read the specifics on Wikipedia but it was written in the 1950’s and referenced the Supreme Court Decision Brown vs. the Board of Education.  If you are not familiar with this landmark case look it up, also look up information about the Central High School Crisis in Little Rock.  All of it fascinating, some of it disgraceful but part of our history and every American should know about it.

I spent many years teaching in Little Rock and felt the remnants of the 1950’s crisis even 40 years later.  And as I write this, America is again struggling with the topic of racism and I wonder when will we learn from our past?

In one way we are only 4 generations away from this landmark case, but in another way shouldn’t we be light years away from the archaic thinking about race? I will choose to not make this blog about racism but I will urge you to listen to the song, and take a look around as you shop, work and live in your community.   We have come a long way, but we have a LONG way to go.

“Black & White”
The ink is black, the page is white
Together we learn to read and write
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
A beautiful sight

And now a child can understand
That this is the law of all the land
All the land

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

And now, at last, we plainly see
We’ll have a dance of liberty
Liberty

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
A beautiful sight

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight
A beautiful sight

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light
To see the light

C’mon
Get it
Get it
Ohh-ohhhh yeah
Yeah
Keep it up now, around the world
Little boys and little girls
Yeah
Yeah-eah, oh-ohhh

 

The song was inspired by the United States Supreme Court decision of Brown v. Board of Education (1954), which outlawed racial segregation of public schools.

The original lyrics of the song opened with this verse, in reference to the court:

Their robes were black, their heads were white,
The schoolhouse doors were closed so tight,
Nine judges all set down their names,
To end the years and years of shame.

However, the version of the song recorded by Greyhound, and subsequently covered by Three Dog Night, did not include this verse – making the song more universal, but also less historically specific.

 

Gratitude

Summer Vacation Blog

This is all about Gratitude and being grateful for what I have in my life right now!

My summer vacation is already in its 3rd week and I have been too busy to update this blog!

My summer started off with a bang and a visit from my grandchildren! Wow, what a week, I tried to make memories. We visited Marble Children’s museum, an outdoor park where they ran, climbed, rode a sled down a hill, sat in a swing and just had fun. Then a quick day to the beach and we made sure we applied enough sun screen as they played in the sand and collected shells. A trip to Grandma Cookie Dough’s house and wonderful family dinner. And we even sent Mom and Dad to the movie and had fun decorating a gingerbread house and watching a movie. It is my prayer that we made some memories together and that those children know they are loved and can depend on us when they need to!

Then a few days break and back to the beach on a girl’s trip. How wonderful and relaxing this trip was. I continually fall in love with the beach, I love the sound and the sight of the waves – just breathtaking. I grew up by Lake Ontario and would spend hours at the beach, no matter the season, I loved to just sit and listen……..

The last week or so I have spent time defining my “Happy Place” and I have a few special ones. I am so grateful for this life I have, the people around me and the beauty God has surrounded me with. I truly am blessed beyond measure and I have been trying to live with that attitude of gratitude.

A friend posted this quote on their Facebook and it spoke to me today:

“Gratitude brings a Peace that helps us overcome the pain of adversity and failure.

Gratitude on a daily basis means we express Appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future.”

Robert D Hales

Give Thanks with a grateful heart

Lyrics

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He’s given Jesus Christ, His Son

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He’s given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, “I am strong”
Let the poor say, “I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us”

And now let the weak say, “I am strong”
Let the poor say, “I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us.

You may have to copy and paste this link.

https://youtu.be/blbslHDgceY

You may have to copy and paste this to listen to the video.

Welcome to my life!

I have been planning to start this Blog for many months now and finally on December 2, 2018 it is done.  What will I write about?  Well, my first love has always been and will always be music so you will read my thoughts on musical pieces and how they have affected my life.  I also will include personal thoughts about my life and the world around me.  I hope this will allow my children and grandchildren to know me better.  I love discussion and welcome comments, but remember this is all my own opinion so you might not agree with everything I share, but I am adult enough to hear your side.  So, Happy First day of Advent 2018 and Welcome to my Life!!!