Learning How to Say Goodbye from My Mother

Learning How to Say Goodbye from my Mother

May has ended up being a tough month for me since my Mom passed. My Mother’s birthday is May 5^th and it is followed closely by Mother’s Day. It has been over 20 years since I last held her hand but it seems like yesterday and the sting of sadness stays forever.

I was a new Mom, Richard was only 3 ½ years old, My Mom, Mary Antoinette Fonte Brogna, was 78. She had ongoing health problems and had just started dialysis but it proved too much for her. We were all with Mom when she died, Dad, Anne and Pat, Carla and myself. It was 1:27 am and I saw the last pump of her blood thru her neck, she went peacefully. We all hugged in her hospital room and I remember my Dad crying and his tears were so big they splashed on the floor and got my toes wet. I knew that the love they had was rare and I wanted that kind of love in my life and the life of my son.

Mom wanted to be a nurse and planned to move to Buffalo to go to nursing school but Dad proposed to her so they got married. I didn’t come along in their marriage until they had worked out all the kinks so things were pretty peaceful. Mom went thru a depression and I saw her bring herself out of it thru her own will – that was a lesson! She also was a kid at heart, we both got our drives license’ at the same time, I was 16 and she was 56! She showed me happiness and sadness and the advice I can still hear her give me was “Remember, everything changes”. I give her credit for allowing me to go off to Arizona for school but the miles never kept our hearts apart. I was closer to my Mom across the country then some of my friends who had their Mom’s across town.

My greatest fear was losing my Mom – and yet her greatest lesson to me was in her death. This song always helps me remember the lessons she taught me, how to be strong, stand up for myself and know how to say goodbye and still survive.

I love you Mom! Happy Birthday! Happy Mothers Day!

Through the back window of our ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on wavin’ till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears I asked again, “Why we couldn’t stay”

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

I sat on our bed he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling we both were cryin’
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away

I called up mama and she said
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Sittin’ with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes and then squeezed my hand
She said, “I have to go now my time here is over”
And with her final words, she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Teach Your Children Well

This is a time of such fear and uncertainty. It is not easy to keep the fear from rising up and overtaking all of our daily thoughts.

I would like to view this time as a time of inter-generational bonding.

I hope this time brings good change.

Some people want to go back to the way we were, but no, that is not what we will do – we will be forced to create a new normal.

Remember 9/11? Before 9/11 there was only a few ways to get the news – the morning paper, the 6:00 or 11:00 pm news broadcast, the radio on the hour. My perception is that only after that event on 9/11 did we begin to broadcast 24 hour news programs. Those programs went over and over the same news all day long. Some people tune in, get the headlines and tune out back to daily life but for some their daily life is watching the news all day long.

What will be our new normal after this pandemic? Your guess is as good as mine. I know some things I hope it is.

I hope this time we spend with our families keeps happening. Our families are spending more time with each other, talking, listening, reading, playing, laughing. That is one priceless gift during this time.

I hope the connection between generations keeps happening. I hear of grandparents helping with childcare instead of a stranger in daycare. I hear of Grandparents talking and spending time with parents who are talking and spending time with children and learning about each other.

I hope new respect is gained for some of our neighbors and the jobs they do. The nurses and doctors, the teachers, the truck drivers, the store employees. We all contribute to society but lately it seems we honor those with money more than the hard worker.

I hope the older generation will teach the younger generation the value of these professions.

I hope the younger generation teaches the older generation the value of these professions.

I hope we all learn that we must work together as a society to solve problems.

I hope we all learn that words spoken to divide different groups are destructive.

I hope the older generation teaches the younger generation the value of our history, that we have come together in the past to solve problems. Sometimes it was hard but it was worth it.

I hope the younger generation teaches the older generation that we are all different and just because I don’t look like you or think like you we can still work together to solve problems and make our society stronger.

You, who are on the road
Must have a code
That you can live by
And so
Become yourself
Because the past
Is just a good-bye

[Chorus]
Teach your children well
Your father’s hell did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked
The one you’ll know by

Don’t you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

And you of tender years
Can’t know the fears
That your elders grew by
And so please help
Them with your youth
They seek the truth
Before they can die

[Chorus]
Teach your parents well
The children’s hell
Will slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked
The one you’ll know by

Don’t you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

Is there a Perfect Christmas?

Merry Christmas!

It is December 23^rd and I have been out and about today. Aerobics class was fun we exercised to Christmas music. As I ran a few errands after the gym I got the feeling that everyone was stressed out. The drivers were aggressive and speeding to get to their destination, the checkout people were not as friendly as usual, the people shopping were not as polite as usual and I wondered why today was so different from the last few weeks where people were smiling and saying Happy Holidays. I came home after completing my errands, glad to be home out of the traffic and ready to relax for the holiday but thoughts about the lyrics of this some came to my head.

On this night of hope and salvation
One child lies embraced in a dream
Where each man regardless of station
On this night can now be redeemed

Where every man regardless of his nation
Ancestral relations
On this night the past can fly away

And that dream we’ve dreamed most
That every child is held close
On this night that dream won’t be betrayed

All as one
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All as one on this Christmas day

All rejoice
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All rejoice, Anno Domine

On this night when no child’s forgotten
No dream sleeps where he cannot see
No man here is misbegotten
And this night’s dreams are still yet to be

Where every man regardless of his nation
Ancestral relations
On this night the past can fly away

And that dream we’ve dreamed most
That every child is held close
On this night that dream won’t be betrayed

All as one
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All as one on this Christmas day

All rejoice
Raise your voices
Raise your voices
All rejoice, Anno Domine

This song stresses to me how the Holiday is about the Savior who cams as man to save us from the imperfect life we live now.

Getting closer to the holiday I believe puts stress on those who are wishing for the “perfect” holiday. Well, if there is one thing I have learned in this life so far is that “perfect” holiday does not exist. The decorations do not matter, the food does not matter, the gifts do not matter – the perfection in Christmas comes from within – from the absolute KNOWING without a doubt Jesus Christ was born and became man for me – He is the Savior of the World. That is my perfection and how I choose to live as a Blessed Child of God.

I love the song I have shared with you – the melody, the voices but mostly the words. As a public school teacher I have encountered far too many children who will not have a Merry Christmas. On this night of Hope and Salvation…. the dream of every child is to be held close – there will be children out there who are not held close, they are ignored or even hurt by the hands of their own parents. That is what this song means to me that one day – one day when Jesus comes back each and every child will finally be held close and taken care of. Jesus came on Christmas to redeem each and every one of us. That dream we have dreamed most every child is held close that dream won’t be betrayed.

My heart breaks as I remember just a few of the children I have had in my classroom these past 36 years. One child who had finger marks on his wrist and arm from being held too closely by a father. One child who had a bruise and scratches on her cheek., When I asked her, she told me “Mom did it” I wanted to cry. Even closer to home a, 3 year old child left alone in an apartment for 2 days because Mom is involved in the drug world. This Christmas will not be perfect – nothing will ever be perfect – until………..

Christmas Past

Christmas past

Many childhood memories surface around the Christmas Holiday. Many of them include music – Adeste Fidelis Oh come All Ye Faithful – I can still HEAR my Mom singing that hymn literally I hear her voice singing it in latin. Adeste Fideles

I was the youngest of three girls and there was quite a gap in our ages. My oldest sister A was 16 when I was born and my middle sister C was 11 when I was born so I really was “the baby”. My Mom called me her baby until she passed away. It was almost like I was an only child with all of us being so far apart. So, when I became conscious of Santa I was the only one in the house getting Santa presents and it was pretty cool to have all the attention.

I few gifts that stick out in my memory was the year I REALLY wanted a puppy – but did not get one – a real one at least. I had my pretend puppy in the basement and he was there every time I went down there to play, he walked with me to school and waited for me each afternoon. I believe I had that “puppy” until at least May – maybe I was just lonely?

The year I got my own stereo and headphones was the best – I could listen to my music as loud as I wanted anytime I wanted – it was most likely the Osmonds! The Osmonds

I loved Christmas, I still do. The music, I love listening to it, I love singing it I love playing it. Even this year as a member of our community band I still enjoy, really enjoy playing all of the traditional Christmas music. You’d think after playing Christmas Festival almost every year since I was in high school I would be sick of it by now but noooo I LOVE IT! Christmas Festival – Boston Pops

Music has always carried me away to a happy place, it touches something inside me that is very hard to explain and Christmas music even more so because of all of the memories attached to it.

TO all who took the time to read this entry, thank you and a very Merry Christmas to you!