Learning How to Say Goodbye from My Mother

Learning How to Say Goodbye from my Mother

May has ended up being a tough month for me since my Mom passed.  My Mother’s birthday is May 5^th and it is followed closely by Mother’s Day.  It has been over 20 years since I last held her hand but it seems like yesterday and the sting of sadness stays forever.

I was a new Mom, Richard was only 3 ½ years old, My Mom, Mary Antoinette Fonte Brogna, was 78.  She had ongoing health problems and had just started dialysis but it proved too much for her.  We were all with Mom when she died, Dad, Anne and Pat, Carla and myself.  It was 1:27 am and I saw the last pump of her blood thru her neck, she went peacefully. We all hugged in her hospital room and I remember my Dad crying and his tears were so big they splashed on the floor and got my toes wet.  I knew that the love they had was rare and I wanted that kind of love in my life and the life of my son.

Mom wanted to be a nurse and planned to move to Buffalo to go to nursing school but Dad proposed to her so they got married.  I didn’t come along in their marriage until they had worked out all the kinks so things were pretty peaceful.  Mom went thru a depression and I saw her bring herself out of it thru her own will – that was a lesson!  She also was a kid at heart, we both got our drives license’ at the same time, I was 16 and she was 56!  She showed me happiness and sadness and the advice I can still hear her give me was “Remember, everything changes”.  I give her credit for allowing me to go off to Arizona for school but the miles never kept our hearts apart.  I was closer to my Mom across the country then some of my friends who had their Mom’s across town.

My greatest fear was losing my Mom – and yet her greatest lesson to me was in her death.    This song always helps me remember the lessons she taught me, how to be strong, stand up for myself and know how to say goodbye and still survive.

I love you Mom!  Happy Birthday! Happy Mothers Day!

Through the back window of our ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on wavin’ till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears I asked again, “Why we couldn’t stay”

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

I sat on our bed he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling we both were cryin’
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away

I called up mama and she said
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Sittin’ with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes and then squeezed my hand
She said, “I have to go now my time here is over”
And with her final words, she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”