The Four Agreements
By Don Miguel Ruiz
1. Be Impeccable with your word
2. Do not take anything personally
3. Do not make assumptions
4. Always do your best
A few years back this book was recommended to me by a friend Angela. Every time I read it or think about it I think of her! I say many of these statements from this book to myself often. Do I always follow its’ advice – no – but usually when I am angry or frustrated I can look at these four statements and one of them will hit home and put my thinking right again.
1. Be impeccable with your word
Wow, this one can be tricky. To me this means say what you mean and mean what you say. Do not change what you are saying because of the person you are speaking to or the situation you are in. That means that I try to stop before I voice an opinion and say – I do not know all the facts yet so let me find out. If you have really searched your mind and believe something with your heart you should not be afraid to say it, if you fear to speak then it is better the be quiet.
When you find someone who has shown to you that they are honest and true the their word. Hang on to their friendship, it is priceless to be able to talk and open up to someone and know that what they say to you is what they really mean.
2. Do not take anything personally
I think we have become a society guilty of thinking everything is all about “us” and that when we come upon someone with a different outlook we think they must be “out to get us”. I believe more often than not the other person or persons are just living out their reality and it differs with ours.
It makes me shake my head time and again when I see on facebook the rantings of someone who has felt wronged. From the checkout girl at the grocery store who bagged the groceries wrong, to the doctor/nurse who didn’t give you the diagnosis or the medicine you believe you should have, to the car that cut you off in traffic – yeah they were out to get you. REALLY? It would make your life so much easier if you just realized it might be their story and you just happened by so don’t take it personally.
Even with our own families, how many times have you taken someone else’s bad mood as a reflection of something you have done and they are displeased with you? It is ok to allow someone to be in a bad mood – it may not be about you at all. In the same way it is ok to tell those around you that you need just a little time to process your mood before you speak about it. Think about that the next time you think someone is out to get you – it might be about them not you.
3. Do not make assumptions
This one goes hand in hand with the last one. Have you ever had an encounter with someone and it was not the friendliest? It is our natural inclination to make that person out to be mean or they do not like us. It simply might be just a bad day and if you do not always assume it is about you your life will be so much less stressful. It can be exhausting to think that all negative encounters are a reflection of yourself.
4. Always do your best
Is this something that we have to learn from childhood? There is an old wives’ tale – “if something is worth doing it is worth doing well” – but how many people really believe that today? I think somehow it has changed to “I can get this done with a minimum of effort and still get credit for it or get paid for it”. I was instilled with the do my best attitude and I tried to instill that to my children. I hope people realize that when I do a job I try to make it my very best.
There is a wealth of info on Don Miguel – just go to his website and read about him, his team and his teachings. The teachings come from the ancient civilization of the Toltecs who lived in central Mexico. I can tell you facts but you can look them up for yourself.
www.miguelruiz.com
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